Proud Piece #1: The Secret Knowledge of Grown-ups

Rule#66: Don’t pick your nose
Official Reason: It’s disgusting and impolite
Real Reason: It makes your nostrils grow bigger

Unfortunately, yes it is a fact and the 100% truth. When those small ignorant children, shove their filthy little hands up their dirty nose, they think that they are doing themselves no harm but slowly and surely they are making their nostrils grow bigger. Each day they pick their nose, it increasingly activates their nostrils to grow huger each day. From then on, their nostrils continue to expand until the person stops picking their nose for several years. In rare cases, the nostrils may grow as massive as a soccer ball! It is also occasionally spotted that one nostril may grow faster and larger than the other causing the being to have a bizarre and lopsided face.
It was around the 1970’s when the hazard of nose picking was discovered. A vast majority of these top secret scientists called this the Gostril Disease (giant and nostril combined.) Top secret scientists in China believed that a person’s nostrils would grow so immense there would be nothing left of them except for a nose. Scientists in Europe believed that once the nostril got so humongous it would be able to suck up the entire earth when the person inhaled and blow away the earth when exhaling. Or worse, when the person sneezed they would blow away the entire universe.
“I’ll always remember the first time I was introduced to a man with the Gostril Disease,” says Professor Zinko, President of the Top Secret Scientist Corporation in Austria. “It was so massive it made me nearly jump out of my skin! I wasn’t sure whether I should be more shocked or disgusted,” he claims.
These undercover scientists agreed that nose picking was a serious danger and they immediately took action to stop it. The news eventually spread to all adults who then told their children not to pick their nose because it was disgusting and impolite, which is actually true but not the main point. Of course this secret was only for grown-ups and they would never tell their children.
Luckily today, human nostrils have grown firmer over the past few years. Firmer nostrils also mean that the person has better control over them which allows them to flare their nostrils, but prevents them from growing. We are thankful today that human’s nostrils are strong and do not grow – at least 99% of the time.

I chose this as my proud piece because it has a lot of imagination and I had a fun time writing it.